Where did the past month go?

[arthur_p_dent]

It’s another weird night. I fell asleep pretty much right after dinner, and now I’m wide awake, wondering whether sleep will come again. So I’m here, wandering around DW, hoping for something to catch my eye - a poem or story, or maybe a relatable post I can comment on (I’ve lucked into a meeting a couple of great people that way). At some point I ended up back on my own posts, and happened to notice something. Aside from a couple of recipes, I haven’t posted anything in the past month. 

That, in and of itself, is not particularly unusual. I don’t really write, and even though the bulk of what I’ve posted has been diary-type entries, sharing things about myself is still something I’m getting used to doing. However, a thought started picking away at my brain, and I can’t seem to shake it. WHY haven’t I posted anything in the past month?

Now I don’t know about you (Hi! by the way), but whenever one of these introspective questions pops into my head, a bunch of rabbit holes show up with it - especially when I’m not sleeping properly. I see my posts about “new things”, and realize I haven’t tried anything new lately. I notice the general tone of some of my other posts, and I ask myself “has it really been so long since anything positive has happened?”. Work things will never go away, they’ll just get worse. Friendships... well, the only thing I’ll say about that is that sometimes I really hate being right.

Whoops - got off on a bit of a tangent there. Back to the question at hand; “where did the past month go?”. Work has taken up a big part of it - it’s the busy season, so there have been lots of extra hours spent there. And longer work hours has meant fewer hours for everything else that still has to get done. I’ve been struggling to keep up with the bare minimum of household responsibilities, and unfortunately that trend will continue for the next few weeks at least. 

And, of course, there’s Covid. I don’t keep up much on other areas, but here in Ontario we’ve been in a pretty strict lockdown for several weeks now, with at least another two weeks to go. I suppose in retrospect that it’s happening at a “good” time for me - with everything else that’s keeping me busy, it’s not like I have time for socializing anyway. However, one thing that’s really hit home with me over this past year is just how independent of a person I am. I may not be the “type-A alpha male”, but I certainly don’t like being told what I can and cannot do, or when, or how. Another thing I’ve learned about me (and it surprised the hell out of me) is how social I really am. My circle of close family and friends isn’t all that large, but forced separation from them is still difficult for me to cope with - I miss them, plain and simple. 

Well. A  bit of a ramble, but that’s the past month in a nutshell. If you read this far you get a gold star. Hopefully I don’t let another month go by before posting again.

=]

Comments

[dustbunny105]

Those kinds of introspective questions can be doozies, can't they? There are so often so many considerations and concerns and follow-up questions to sift through. So many interesting revelations can come to light. Especially when your brain can't be bothered to settle down long enough to sleep!

Sorry to hear that you've been run so ragged at work and struggling with household tasks on top of it-- even more sorry to hear that it's not a trend you can look forward to bucking soon. That stress being compounded by the forced separation of lockdown is so disheartening. The part of the brain that craves social contact isn't easily soothed by logical reasons that contact is being denied, perhaps more so when it's not an aspect of the self that's been given much notice before.

I hope things improve for you as soon as they possibly can! And that you're able to post a little more often even in the meantime :D

[arthur_p_dent]

First thing’s first... ⭐️
(a promise is a promise)

Like I said, ‘tis the season. April and May have been the same for me for many, many years. It’s stressful while it’s here, but it’ll pass. Of course, just because it’s routine doesn’t make it any easier.

The complications of life due to Covid I think have hit pretty much everyone. While I’m not particularly happy about the circumstances, it has been interesting discovering new things about me - I’m very much not the man I thought I was (it only took a global pandemic to figure that out).

On the other hand, to hell with self-discovery and personal growth - people need to get these *hugs* that I’ve been storing up for the past year. =]