Friendships - Revisited

[arthur_p_dent]

I was going to do this as an edit to my last post, but decided a fresh perspective deserved a fresh forum.

I did not end my last post well. My final comments were fuelled by frustrations and other negative feelings that had compounded upon themselves. Here’s how I left things last time:

>>  It all makes it seem like being friends with these people is much more important to me than it is to them, and I don’t like the implications of that idea. If it’s true, then I don’t really have any close friends. False, well that just makes me a narcissist then, doesn’t it? <<

None of this was really a fair assessment. The comments I got in reply forced me to re-read everything, give my head a shake, and take an objective look at these friendships from the other side (thanks for that).

I have exactly 4 close friends. These are the people that I actually want to spend my social time with. And I want them to want to spend their social time with me. So when it seems like I’m doing all the “heavy lifting” (to quote a phrase), things eventually start to feel lopsided, which is what had me so frustrated earlier. What I have to remember is that everybody’s situation is different. People with kids naturally have less time for social interaction. People with a larger circle of friends have to spread themselves thinner in order to spend some amount of time with everyone. From the other side, these things can seem like neglect, even if they aren’t.

The question was raised whether I feel undervalued in these friendships. Mostly, no. I say mostly because there are a couple of specific things that truly do irk me, but I’m going to leave those for another post. In terms of the friendships themselves, I do honestly believe that each person considers me to be one of their close friends.

Next time around I’m going to get into introvert vs extrovert, communication, and maybe expectations. But those are bigger topics and I’m tired, so for today I’m going to wrap this up.

Thanks for listening. =]

Comments

[dustbunny105]

Whoops, missed this since I was looking for an update on your other post!

I'm glad that my comment helped you to look again and reconsider things-- and, of course, I'm glad that the situation doesn't seem to be as dire as it came across in your original post. Sorry to hear that there are still some irksome things and looking forward to reading what you have to say about that whenever you get around to it. Fingers crossed that you'll be able to find resolutions for these problems without too much trouble, especially since you're overall confident in these friendships :)

[arthur_p_dent]

I am very glad I took a step back. In the end most of the things I was upset about were brought about by my own thoughts and not reality. I really do appreciate your comments, because they helped flip that switch in my head and give me some clarity, rather than continuing to wallow in negativity.

The remaining “irksome” things… I’ve decided that they are bothersome enough to me that they warrant a face to face discussion. They’re things I simply have to have answers on, not just speculation or assumption. So, whether or not those get brought to light here remains to be seen.

Until next time. =]